Who wore it better: Homecoming edition
Duncan B: HOT
Duncan oozes cool in his fresh blue Queen’s Law hoodie. We can tell you as witnesses, those bananas were entirely flaccid when he first walked in. Picking the right watermelon is no small task, but in an outfit like this, Duncs is clearly up to the challenge. Notice how the blue in his sweater brings out the colour in his watermelon. A quick glance in the basket that he masterfully wields shows that he takes his diet seriously. Bodies like that don’t just happen, and those shoulders in that shirt suggest that the new Mrs. Burns Shillington is but a grocery isle away.
Sam S: NOT
One word comes to mind when looking at Sam in this sweater: repulsive. Unlike Duncan’s classy get-up, Sam took the look in a trailer trash direction. His nonchalance demonstrates that he clearly does not care about his style, or those he subjects to it. In an outfit like that, it is unclear which one the dog is. They say the camera adds 10 pounds, but how do you explain the other 240? Sam provides an excellent example of how not to represent Queen’s Law in public. Do us all a favour, remove the sweater and drop out immediately.
(No animals were harmed in the making of this column, but some might have developed deep psychological complexes after witnessing this fashion train wreck)
Ashley S: HOT
Babe Alert!!! Newly blonde bombshell, Ashley Staley has been spotted in the library sporting a fine fitting charcoal grey zip-up over a vibrant yellow Queen’s T. Ashley takes legal research to the next level with an outfit that just won’t quit. With course prize style, studying has never looked so good. It’s only a matter of time before New York Fashion week comes a-calling, so ogle away while you still can. Don’t be fooled by the empty seats around her; after seeing her righteous sweater-T combo, Ashley’s friends ran home to change.
Andrew S: NOT
No No No No No No, that just won’t do. Earth to Andrew: you look terrible. Andrew’s mother actually saw this photo and admitted she wished she had been more careful. What’s in the box Andrew? Oh ya, it’s nothing because nobody buys smoker tickets from gremlins in ill-fitting garb. Following countless complaints of Andrew’s misuse of this yellow Queen’s T-shirt, the Tri-Colour store immediately removed the remaining inventory from their shelves. We were actually asked to inform readers that anyone who purchased this T prior to this repugnant act of terror can return their purchase for twice its value and a personalized apology letter from management.
Andrew S 1L: HOT
1L heartthrob Andrew S is pictured moments before opening his locker to a flood of Valentines Day cards even though it’s only October. Rocking a grey crew neck Queen’s Law sweater, Andrew embodies everything that is right at Queen’s Law. Though it might not seem like it, this fashionable sweater serves more than an aesthetic purpose. Without it, many bystanders unknowingly direct this Adonis to the Classics department with the other Greek Gods. We caught up with the garment’s designer who said, “The model’s arms were made for these sleeves and the sleeves were made for his arms.” Camp out by room 202 on Tuesdays at 2:30 to catch a glimpse of Andrew. He’ll be the guy in the neat sweater.
David L: NOT
My God… that’s an ugly outfit. No, wait; it’s actually just an ugly guy ruining a half decent outfit. Pictured is David L smoking a cigarette in his awkwardly fitting Queen’s Law crew neck sweater. Smoking is supposed to look cool. Never before has an anti-smoking campaign been this persuasive. Health Canada is considering replacing cigarette labels with this shot because pictures of collapsed lungs and rotten teeth weren’t off-putting enough. We did not know that cotton could feel pain but after hearing the screams of that poor, helpless sweater, we now realize that it can. We caught up with the garment’s designer who told us, “I don’t know what happened, it looked right on literally everybody else. That’s a lot of sleeve for such a comically under-developed body.” In David’s defence, his mother promised him he would grow into the sleeves.
Jenn D: HOT
Here, Jenn D is spotted wearing a blue Queen’s zip up and red Queen’s shorts. It is hard to look good taking out the trash, but Jenn somehow manages to pull it off. Everybody knows that Jenn is basically a poster law student, and her ability to make Queen’s clothing look great is no exception. With so much on her plate, it’s crazy that she still has enough time to stand and wait with her recycling which she insists on putting in the truck herself. If you like what she’s wearing, just wait till you see what’s underneath… It’s another zip up hoodie and pair of Queen’s shorts. Girl’s got Queen’s Law pride!
Sydney B: NOT
Sydney B is new here at Queen’s Law so we will let her off with a warning for this crime against fashion. Syd is seen here wearing red Queen’s shorts with a blue zip up and, simply put, she shouldn’t be. We can only hope that her proximity to the garbage might mean she is getting ready to throw away that outfit or better yet just climb right in herself. On behalf of Sydney, we would like to apologize to her peers and professors for the continued distraction that is her poor sense of fashion. Purim isn’t ‘til March this year, Syd – so put away the clown suit and the greggers. In the wise words of Billy from School of Rock, “you’re tacky and I hate you.”
Kailin C: HOT
If the ball is Queen’s homecoming, then the belle is Kailin C. Kailin is pictured here wearing a stylish Queen’s baseball shirt. It is no coincidence that Kailin is standing beside the Queen’s Law donor wall, seeing as her fashion sense is a gift to us all. With style like hers, it’s no wonder Kailin is always surrounded by friends. The red sleeves and blue dress remind us of the changing leaves and lovely fall weather. We love not knowing where her boots end and her leggings begin. The addition of fabric to her outfit is the kind of ingenuity that Queen’s Law has needed. Knowing the sleeves are ¾ in length, Kailin opted to display splendid accessories on both of her wrists. It’s the little things; thank you Kailin.
Jocelyn H: NOT
Ierbjvqwjehrn2ubhihqebfrwubhgeqr. Sorry, that was me wiping the vomit off my keyboard. In this shot, Jocelyn fills up her water bottle while wearing a red Queen’s baseball shirt. Just so readers know, the water fountain went on strike in protest of this offensive outfit. Now we’re all thirsty – thanks, Jocelyn. If she thinks that twist knot on her shirt is doing her any favours, we would like to plead Section 16 insanity on her behalf. Have you ever seen someone wearing an outfit that made you wish you were blind?
(Not pictured: Jocelyn’s dunce cap)
Sam Starkman (2L) and David Levy (2L) are the De Minimis Editors and Bryan Flatt (2L) is a contributor for Juris Diction.
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